There are constructs of the conditioned mind to which we are attached, with which we are identified that get shattered, broken, destroyed. That sounds violent doesn’t it? Scary. The wrathful god of Judaism, the wrathful dieties of Buddhism, Shiva and Kali the destroyers are part of our human archetypal lexicon.
I can still feel the vibrations of the vanished tracks, the vanished house, the vanished lives of my people, among the cactus of Ute Indian lands, and the vanishing Ute language we spoke there, barely remembered by anyone today, even me. I have pressed my ears to all these forms before their dying, to sound the mysteries they embodied on the earth.
I have learned there is only one actor in the cosmos, and the actor is creating billions and billions of resonating images that continually manifest and return to the One. Sound is the soul of the One that drinks the light that It is creating moment by moment in order to continue existence. This House of shattering light—this perceptual reality in which we live and of which we are a part—exists only for the soul’s purpose of continuing its own livelihood.
Now it is time for death’s illusion to give way, along with the illusion of material form, before the reality of these vibrations. I believe that if we will all learn to listen, the vibrations will give forth their meanings, encoded in the crystal soil of our native Earth, to fill the close pressed ear with song.
The way This works with me is that there’s a whisper in Silence of in*forming waves that are taken in, vibrate throughout and translate into words, actions, speech. The experience that phrased itself The Shattering Light of the Real then referred me back to Joseph Rael’s book In the House of Shattering Light. He drew a painting of his visionary experience as well as writing the book. He’s of Picuris Pueblo and Southern Ute descent, speaks the sacred language Tiwa, and is also a Christian Mystic who has traveled around the earth building Peace Chambers. I met him, sat with him, and learned from him and his books decades ago. I’m so glad he popped in as the shattering light of the Real emerged to express today.
Rumi translation by Coleman Barks
Art by Michael Greene
The emergence of the sound, love and light of our true nature rends the veils dynamically.
However, the birthing of a miracle is often as painful as the birthing of a child, for new life must rip the veil of existing structure if it would declare its presence.
~Yeshua in Love Without End, Glenda Green
In this book describing the conversations between the artist/author and Yeshua the Christ sitting for his portrait he often spoke of the structures of the mind that give way as the Presence, the Spirit come forth.
Rarely do we anticipate the forms miracles take in our lives. It is the nature of the miraculous to be outside the norms, the complacent conditioning of human life that automatically constructs and reifies the formless into things: objects to maintain a status quo no matter how hellish that seems safe due to being familiar.
I am often asked to share more personally what it is like to as Such, live thus. It ain’t easy, I can sure testify to that. It demands everything, requires all of us, it’s a holistic inclusive process that breaks all bounds. Unless you can’t help yourself, you must discover the Real or die, I don’t recommend it. The first blush of the honeymoon, the fantasies of what it will give you will die crucifyingly. Yet what emerges is … aaahhhh.
When I say these things I am always speaking from the experiences alive in my unfolding. As I write the translating formations shimmer to HeArticulations that have a life, are Life that has purpose and direction. My system serves as a vibrant outlet, my life serves to demonstrate our indivisibility from This, from each other, from All. My sense of identity has shifted radically to the immeasurable ineffable that graces this individual emanation body still so very Hu*man creature-ly, vulnerable and at times (that don’t last as long anymore), an incoherent Essence-soul-body continuum in constant conversion and conversation. I am content to not know who/what I Am, what will evidence Itself in any given moment that can include old habits shadowing with pure freedom liberating, and the light of truth illuminating. There’s a lot going on amid the nothing that ever happens; the non-happening.
It’s painful at times as This shatters additional aspects of unconscious conditioning structures operating in the automatic autonomic amazing system of incarnation. There’s humiliating humbling that occurs, welcomed as the erasure of the false by the treasures of loving truth, merciful awareness. As Gangaji said, “When you know how to suffer it isn’t suffering.” Buddha taught suffering and the end of suffering declaring as the first noble truth, life is suffering. We seek escape. That is not the way… not the Way, the Truth and the Life…
I’ve been given any number of revelatory experiences, visions, endowments, illuminations — they are numberless now. It’s a way of living that dispels shadows and mesmeric conditioning along with actualizing so much that This Is. Dwelling within the Indwelling Presence that has taken up residence and is renovating the entire structure so that it feels at Home Here. For awhile it was like the vertical was being established: ascending descending flow of information. Great gestalts of information descended such that dissolving was the only way to receive it all utterly. Then the movement shifted as This became more established to Withinness pervading out throughout. Our systems are designed to be exploratory perceivers, actualizing and expressive outlets for consciousness’ cosmic dancers.
It’s cross-like now, feet grounded on earth’s holy ground, head open receiving, awareness dropped down — like a vortex with the heart’s still point center aligned and in flow with the belly and head centers united, all 7 embodied centers whirling. Arms are extended out in embrace and used for offering out the blessing and benedictions of embodied, active, engaged aliveness real and here. That unmoving sweet spot of the broken open heart bears it all, the glory and the horror, all points between.
The Personal Essence, Pearl of Great Price is mysteriously alive and forming, fulfilling and informing more clearly, powerfully, dynamically every day. There’s nobody, no idea of a person that can experience and live it. It’s a hollowed out hallowed state of Being. Those still in an identified state will have great difficulty engaging even though the truth of it sticks in the craw, buries somewhere deep. We’re still just brushing the barest levels of divine human creature potential. There’s no stopping This once it gains momentum and ownership of a life. Our longing to belong is transformed by Being This that belongs, belongs to everyone and all.
I began inquiry long ago. That’s why, after being introduced to Atma Vichar, the deep investigation of who/what is, I was given to appreciate it’s been This exploring Itself as all Life all along. Having got caught out here in the outer realms and by virtue of coming into form, and what that’s like, individualizing consciousness got confused, hurt, scared and angry, lost in grasping and avoiding through pains and pleasures of the body, heart, mind. So the return and raptures of reunion must take place first, and in varying degrees continually, even in hard places. As matters literally and figuratively get cleared out, veils rend, hurts learned from and fully assuaged, the Absolute is apprehended as Source and Cause. All kinds of and levels of Homecoming occur. It’s quite an alive dancing emptiness of greater inclusivity than simply individual storylines. We are a hologram, each of us the whole, complete with dynamic fractals that flow interdimensionally. I can say and point to something like that because whether a me wills it or no, there’s been a imperative drive for freedom that goes from suffering, to freedom to Be and live, to living as This living as us. We know next to nothing about living in and as the Totality As Is unfolding all Itself at once inclusive of our individuality.
I have never been inclined to teach or to be placed in that position much. I’m unfolding and share as I go. There’s always a prayer that it does some good. I have deep admiration for those who seem to be able to teach. My great relief and recognition came with Papaji asserting, “No teaching, no teacher, no student.” When first I was given to offer satsang back in the late 90’s, my poster had that quote in large letters. It’s always been deeply respectful of This unfolding as each and all perfectly as is, as was directly revealed and experienced at the emergence into pinnacles of unity at the emergence from my first dark night. That clarity settled in my bones and nothing that has happened since, including evictions, lack of income, poverty, loss of relationships, sickness, deaths — that light continues to dispel and shatter all the unconscious automatic autonomic structures of human life.
If you’ve read my writings or sit with me both the ruthlessness of the shattering light and the tenderest tending, empathic compassion pervade the field along with the creative dynamic life force energy born of freedom in unity. This has brought that miracle about in a wretch like me over the decades of this one life of several sequential yet overlapping incarnations. This One Life has made it so, both with the seeming identified as other me but willing to break open, and also despite that selfing me that wants so much to survive.
Is there an individual configuration of consciousness and coalesced energies that births and deaths in sequential lifetimes? Is time and the life of an individualized soul sequential? Is it not a cyclic whirling arising out of timeless spaceless Immanent domains of Being? Does not change in one place not affect every other place in this astonishing quantum entanglement? All ideas come, arise and get shattered to bits over and over until nothing is clung to anymore. Brought finally to undifferentiated silence and stillness, We Rest In Peace with all the comings and goings inside the majesty we are.
Morning Activity of Stillness Burning
The post death freedom of no self, no mind, no body is the Presence of pure awareness. There is absence of mind and so absence of objects of mind. It’s luminous emptiness beyond all ideas of those words. Beyond the initial experience of void, a fullness of potential, a pregnancy and activity is subtly experienced. Particular concepts arise in mind, take shape or get believed in — reified. Some may be residuals of undigested energies from within the spacetime continuum that continue to vibrate in old forms awaiting the Presence. We are all awaiting Something to free us while providing a sense of connection, unity, aren’t we? We cannot do it ultimately on our own. We may not know it, but we await the Presence of Merciful Awareness to penetrate the illusion of separation illuminating and vibrating with such Aliveness to a degree of intensity that it is irresistible. The limiting forms yield, dissolve, break down, shatter.
Nothing can stand in the face of Suchness and maintain a form that originates from emptiness and is destined to return Herein. That return is a kind of change that looks like death. The former forms of energy (thoughts, matter, body, feelings, identifications) cease to be in the form they were.
Thoughts are like wind, they blow through space picking up smells like rose and manure. But it’s all just air, hot, cold, gales, breezes, stillness. Don’t pay them any mind. The Source of thought calls. We can trace back until we find the consciousness that remains pure, clear, untouched by any thought. Be free. Breathe the freedom throughout the form bodies that were. Let all be returned unto the welcoming enfolding embrace of the Absolute. Wait for This to arise and act. … “Wait upon the l.o.r.d” (law of radical dominion). Many of us can’t, we reconstitute around further residuals prematurely… It’s okay. More undoing to be done. 😝😘 We die, and rebirth daily.
Even in such complete joyous reunion, rebirthing happens. A new rainbow emanation body of pure conscious light, flowing energy enters this earth plane bearing gifts, the gifts of the All In All. No identification amid a localization of openness to the nonlocal allowing potentials to manifest as need arises, and for fun. Such potentials￼￼ await as the strange glory of death. All Life is This actualizing It’s potentials, and we are not other than This. There is no such thing.
A residual of my past came to light this morning in my reflection on a recent happening. When I was around 7 on my birthday my father falsely accused me of lying, slapped me across the face and sent me to my room. This morning openness is allowing the energy of sadness to arise, a sweet melting occurs along with the welling up. All kinds of conclusions that little birthday girl came to entered the clear open space of being and reconciled, returned from the Child unto the Mother luminosity as the Tibetan vajrayana Buddhists speak of it. The thought of, “Gee I have such a hard time birthing here” came and went. A deep tender acknowledgement of birth trauma as repeating difficulty in rebirthing. Just a soft appreciative embrace of that girl and all she endured, took on with a sweet recognition she also was/Is This.
There are so freakin’ many untended residuals of pain and hatred incarnating and acting out in this abysmal land and polluted atmosphere that is of pure true nature! It’s shocking, particularly when the false, the untrue and the injustices continue to be called real instead of dying amid it rather than act it out one more time. I can not deny my hatred of it at the level of my human experience. Fortunately, blessedly, I am no longer limited to that. The desire not to be here, not to experience all this or be at the effect of it doesn’t dominate anymore. The experience without defense the anguish that arises in perceiving the world as is, relationships as they are is all available to be tended in and by Merciful Awareness. I get to die here! What a strange gift death is! No more un*tended residuals for this one — bring it all to the warm firelight of the eternal flame alight in the sacred heart of my being. These passageways of the nervous system, the hologram’s communication systems are activated and functional now. Stay and wait for the burning to complete to ash, this process is trusted. All that energy arises to return whence all comes. The unlearning of coping and compensating due to the disconnection and ignorance of how This functions is well underway in this system. Now kindly letting be, allowing what’s left of the stuff and junk be and come to the funeral pyre burning for freedom in the heart of unity all in good time, in the organicity of true nature’s unfolding. That’s quite different from the hot house and fake fertilizing from the anxiety to get out of, away from, or fighting with pain. Let’s celebrate the dying as the rainbow emerges to declare the full spectrum of Being that incarnates.
Death is our friend precisely because it brings us into absolute and passionate presence with all that is here, that is natural, that is love.
— Reiner Maria Rilke
The moth flies into the flame.
The caterpillar disintegrates in the cocoon.
The phoenix, bird no more, rises from the ashes.
So the at*tending continues in me, with those I’m given to meet until a bright light shines through a more resilient clear open ignited heart. Something neverborn never dies yet becomes ever more Immanent and evident, freely explicit.
Be LightHearted — the end is in*sight. ✌️👏😍
It’s a new beginning, new life, new energy system every day, every moment. May all Being awaken and Be free in Peace, Plenty, Potential, and Power of the Silent resounding Presence. 🙏💖
P.S. I find myself model-less, at the “ place” as the space before models arise, even while offering this imperfect yet fairly adequate hopefully useful one of my experience, explorations and syntheses. If anything touches, is useful, that’s only the mysterious Something coming through in a way a reader can consider or grok. The Truth cannot be spoken. I only offer my own given unique flavorings of the one taste; of what already has well-established precedent, is already so and inexplicably Here… even if there’s slapping of the face! ☺️ perhaps one day it’ll have nowhere to land, just This self-illuminating open space of a face. Perhaps the would-be slapper is no longer a residual specter of my father or of my ancient killings due to speaking out but realizes these ones in pain only hurt themselves as they attack only their Self. Certainly the transformation from this morning until now is wondrous, freeing, enlivening. Until then, there’s more fuel for the fire, grist for the mill.
What if pain
Is creation breaking open
A buried star seed
Deeper under all
Bringing the celestial garden
To life in us?
What if the struggle
To break free
Is creation freeing itself
To be fully Here?
What if our relational pain
Never had to do with a you
Or a me at all —
But is unity discovering
Fulfillment in diversity?
What if we’ve had it all wrong
All the way along
And the agony of that
Is the birth pangs
Of what knows nothing
Of right and wrong?
What if the anguish of human
Living is a gateway to bliss,
That never suffers for an instant,
To enter this world
Through our broken open hearts
And eviscerated souls?
What if dying and death
Enriches the soil to fecundity
That allows the next generation
Of star seeds of vibrant light
Than ever heretofore imagined?
What if we cannot have birth without death
Creation without destruction
Light without darkness
All so Life is sustained and maintained?
What if therefore we are
An ever-growing garden
That includes the struggle and strife
Of change that allows for evolution
What if I Am is the vine
We the branches fruitful and multiplying
Harvested and eaten
By the weed-eating, soil turning, rock removing
What if our questions
Our not knowing innocence
Our chaos, tears, fears, resistances
And our warm tender mercies
Open the Way
For the Gardener?